Jack on Crack
by Asher Elric
Summary: A humerous adventure through plots that make it incredibly hard to find a story to be serious about. WARNING this is not a serious story! please read if all you want is a laugh!
1. The long lost daughter effect

Summary – This is POTC on Crack!

A/N – This is me making fun of retarded plot lines! Laugh and be amazed! lol

**Jack on Crack**

**Part 1 – The Long lost daughter effect**

One day, Jack sailed into Tortuga. He didn't realize it, but by having unprotected sex (of which, might I add is a very good thing to do if you aren't going to marry the person) with scarlet, he had a daughter.

He name was Lily Amanda Josephina Hermione Jezebels Sparrow, but, everyone just called her Ace. She looked exactly like Jack in every way, except, she had her mother's green eyes. (she was most glad that her last name wasn't Potter!).

When Jack sailed in, his daughter was celebrating her fifteenth birthday. As a b-day present, Scarlet found Jack and dragged him to the home she had been able to procure for her and Lily Amanda Josephina Hermione Jezebels.

"Jack! This is your daughter!" Scarlet announce with a smirk.

"Are you joking?" Jack asked, perplexed.

"He isn't my da!" Lily yelled.

"Yes he is, now, I am going down the street to the brothel for work. You two had better play nice," Scarlet said and with that she left the house.

For a moment Jack and Lily looked at each other before Jack held out his arms and Lily jumped at him. They hugged for a terribly long moment.

"Da! I love you!" Lily declared.

"I love ye too, sweetheart!" Jack replied with a smile.

In the end they decided to go sailing together, and they all lived happily ever after!


	2. Will's amazing love life

Disclaimer – I do not own

**Disclaimer – I do not own.**

**Jack on Crack**

**Part 2 – Will's Amazing Love Life**

**William John Rebecca Stewart Turner the second** sighed. He had lost his marvelous Love to Norington. The evil bastard! How he was able to steal Elizabeth's heart from him he would never know. Now, he had nothing and no one to love and make hopping bunny love with!

While feeling rather stupid and used, a storm blew into Port Royal. It was a most terrible storm and it blew half of Port Royal away. It was worse than a pirate attack. Unbeknownst to the residents though, a ship had been blown off course and some of the crew had somehow fallen over board.

While Will was walking the beach after this mysterious storm. He found a sailor. On closer inspection, he found out that the sailor was a woman. She had long dark blond hair, green eyes (how he knew when this sailor was out cold, no one will ever know), and the curviest body around. Her clothing stuck to her baby soft skin (which for a life of a sailor is rather hard to keep up on) and he was so enthralled by her beauty that he brought her back to his work shop.

Over the next few days, Will nursed the woman back to health as much as he could with keeping her a secret. He saw the 'P' on her arm. Despite that fact that she was a pirate, Will found himself falling into unconditional pirate love! Thoughts of sailing the sea's with her filled his head and heart. In fact, he didn't even think of Elizabeth bloody Norington!!

Finally, two weeks after he had found her (Man, time sure does pass by when your in love!) did the woman wake up. She had the prettiest green eyes Will had ever seen.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm fine, what happened?" she asked.

"You fell over board during the storm, I saved you!" Will happily said.

"Oh? My knight in shinning armor!" she batted her eye lids at him.

"What is your name?" Will asked.

"My name is Meredith Susan Rei Julie Kennedy, but, you may call me Mary Sue!" she said.

"I am in love with you," Will admitted.

"I must say, I haven't known you at all, but let's get married and have hopping bunny love and make babies, and sail the seven sea's and rule the world!" Mary Sue suggested excitedly.

"I can do that!"

Later, (wow, look at that! Time lost itself again) Will and Marry Sue were married with all their friends looking on. Even (Captain) Jack Sparrow made an appearance and James didn't bother to arrest him.

Together, they sailed off into the sun set and lived happily ever after.

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A/N – I know these chapters are short. But that's the point. I'm basically just making fun of different plots. If you have a suggestion for a chapter, go ahead and tell me.


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